A gift for a child starting school: based on what they fear and what they can't wait for

Separation anxiety is the most common fear among new school starters, and it often doesn't show on the first day, when everything is new and exciting, but a week or two later, when the excitement fades. That's why a gift the child carries with them works — something that reminds them of home even at their desk: a small school-bag keyring with a photo of the family or the pet, a soft toy keyring for a pocket, a note hidden in the pencil case. The key is that it's small — big toys usually aren't allowed at school, and one left at home won't help them there.

The second route is a story. A child who “rehearses” the first day of school in a book then lives it as something familiar. Classic books about the first day at school are a good fit, but a story in which the child is the hero has a stronger effect — with their own name and face, and a friend or sibling at their side. You can create a personalised book like that from a single photo; the digital version is usually ready within 15 minutes and the printed one arrives within 7 working days, so order the print well before the summer holidays end.

A child who's excited about reading will love a book they can genuinely read on their own in a few months' time. To get it right, it helps to know how reading is taught at their school.

For lots of children, starting school is above all a promotion. A gift that confirms that promotion means more than another toy.

The walk to school is the first part of the day a new school starter spends outside the watch of parents or teachers — and even if you still hold their hand, they know that one day they'll go alone. The best gift here combines a thing with time spent together: a reflective jacket, vest or school-bag keyrings, plus a few weekend walks along the route where the child leads and you just follow.

Reflective gear isn't just for show. Road safety guidance advises pedestrians to wear something light or fluorescent in daylight and reflective in the dark — and autumn and winter mornings, when children walk to school in the half-light, are exactly that time. Children would rather wear colourful animal-shaped reflectors than a dull band, so they work as a gift too.

Some children aren't looking forward to school because they've heard about marks and homework and are afraid they'll fail. A “practice” workbook only confirms that fear: the gift then says they're going to be judged. Games work better — ones where the child counts, reads or plans without noticing they're learning: dice games, card games with adding up, memory games with letters. Tips on choosing them to match what the child can do right now are in the article Getting ready for school: gifts that let children learn through play.

And one more thing parents do with the best intentions: promising a reward for the first top mark. For a child who's afraid they won't cope, that's just another bar to clear. Let the starting-school gift be for going to school, not for how well it goes.

Short notes on a slip of paper for the pencil case or the lunchbox. A new school starter can only read a few letters at first, so write in big, simple letters and keep it short — or draw a picture.